A termite walks into a bar, and calls out:
“Hey, where is the bar tender?”
A woodworker had a neighbour that always borrowed his tools and never returned them. Frustrated with this, he phoned him.
“Could I put my tablesaw in your garage?” he inquired.
“Sure,” his neighbor replied, ” But why?”
He retorted, “Because just once, I’d like to have all my tools in one place.”
Bob had a lot of work ahead of him so decided to hire a part time helper.
” Your first job will be to sweep up the sawdust.” he said handing him a broom.
” Look I’m practically a university graduate,” the young man protested.
” No problem, I’ll show you how” Bob replied.
A Canadian logging company needed to hire another lumberjack, the first guy to apply was a short little skinny fellow, who was laughed at by the manager and told to leave.
“Just give me a chance,” the little guy pleaded.
” Okay,” the manager replied, ” Grab your axe and cut down that cedar over there,”
Two minutes later he was back at the managers office, ” Tree’s cut, do I get the job?”
” I don’t believe it, that is so much faster than even my best lumberjack could have done it, where did you learn to use an axe like that ?” the manager inquired.
” Sahara Forest,” the little guy replied.
” Don’t you mean the Sahara Desert,” the manager corrected him.
” Sure that’s what they call it now.”
A young boy around seven years old got separated from his father at a large woodworking show, remembering what his parents had told him to do in such a situation he approached a security guard and reported that he had lost his dad.
“What’s he like?” the security guard inquired. “Mum says beer and women” the boy replied.
(old joke, because wood shows are not that big any more 😦 )
Tom and Bob are framing a house, Bob notices Tom throwing away about every second nail,
” What are you doing?” he asks.
” The heads are on the wrong end,” Tom replies.
” You idiot, save them for the other side,” Bob retorts.
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